Music is what feelings sound like
by Emeilia-Rose
Summary: A collection of Jibbsy Song Fics.
1. Authors Note

**.: Authors Note :.**

**This is just going to be just a bunch of Jibbsy Song-fics that come to my mind.**

**Updates will be ASAP after I write them so hold your horses. **

**Oh, By the way, I would totally take suggestions on songs, especially fluffy ones 'cause I only seem to find angsty ones.**

**Reviews = Making my day.**

**- Tori**


	2. If I Were a Boy

**A/N: So, it's kinda weird but I sorta liked Hollis… and I definitely felt bad that she was only a tool to make Jenny jealous. Getting back to the point, this is a song fic from Hollis' point of view, not making her the bad guy (or the good guy,) and hopefully not making Jen the bad guy either. - Tori**

**Song: If I Were a Boy **

**Artist: Beyonce **

They were sleeping together, they had to be, right? There was no way she could read him so well if they weren't.

Jen could just look at him and know what, if anything was wrong; just like when he was poisoned by Sharif. But Hollis had to poke and prod to get anywhere close to finding out what was eating at him.

It wasn't fair for her to work this hard, only to be stonewalled by her insecurities again.

"_If I were a boy  
I think I could understand  
How it feels to love a girl  
I swear I'd be a better man"_

On the surface Jethro seemed so different from other men, but really he wasn't.

He still stole her heart, and he still hurt her.

She didn't understand how her choice in men could be so diverse; but the result always the same.

To be honest, it was almost a comfort to know Gibbs was just another man. Then she could pretend that he wasn't so impossible to understand; which let her forget that she had no clue how to even go about unraveling him.

He was all she could ask for, but she still wasn't happy. Maybe she would never be happy until he was fixed, until she knew she had fixed him.

At first, she didn't want to push. She wanted to pretend that she was fine with not knowing things about him, but eventually she had to step over those boundaries.

You can only get answers if you ask questions.

"_If I were a boy  
I would turn off my phone  
Tell everyone it's broken  
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone"_

She had seen him do it before, 'Accidentally' drop his phone in a can of paint thinner to keep Tony from guessing he was with the Lt. Colonel. And even though he wasn't at home ( She knew because she was there waiting for him) he must have pulled something like that. Or it was better to tell her self that. Because she didn't want to think he could see that she was calling and just _not_ pickup.

Being in the Army CID Hollis should understand his work hours. But being a woman she questioned the other motives for him staying late at the office.

She felt horrible for not trusting him; but how could she with Jennifer Shepard strutting around NCIS like their calendar girl?

After one night though, she had no doubt he had left her, not physically, but emotionally; he wasn't hers anymore. Maybe he never was.

**It was a required function, well at least for him. But, under her façade Hollis was just a girl; and what girl didn't like getting dressed up to go to a ball? Plus, she wanted to size up her competition.**

**True, Jenny had given up all rights to him; but it didn't stop her from wanting his attention. Both women let their eyes linger on him a **_**little**_** too long, but it wasn't their fault; he did look good in a suit. **

**Despite her better judgment the Colonel flaunted that she not only got to look, but touch as well. And touch she did.**

**She had worn her blonde hair straight with a small clip holding most of it up to show off her neck, because she wanted to tempt him. **

**And apparently the Director knew his weakness too. And, though Hollis would never admit it, Jen did it better. Bitterly she thought it was because **_**The Director had way too much practice teasing men. **_

**To Ziva, someone who knew her friends' history with Gibbs, the two women acted like junior high school girls. It was pathetic, but way to amusing to interfere with. **

**The whole night Mann had spent her time marking her territory; always standing a little closer than needed, her hand reaching for his whenever Jenny came near. **

**And Jen spent the whole night pretending not to notice Hollis' not so subtle stab at making her jealous.**

**But, Hollis' attempts were in vain. Jen stayed confident in her abilities at making Jethro stare, and he did.**

**That was when she realized she was fighting a loosing battle.**

"_I'd put myself first  
And make the rules as I go  
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful  
Waiting for me to come home, to come home"_

She understood how a case could affect people; she understood his drive to solve a case ASAP. But being on the other side, watching him come home later and later at night, if even at all, drove her crazy.

But it shouldn't.

It was after all one of his rules; number twelve to be exact.

_**Never date a co-worker**_.

And he would never break his own rules, would he?

Well he did with her, almost. He made her wait until the case was solved, and if he could show that much restraint for his rule, there had to be a reason for it.

And Hollis had a sneaking suspicion what or _who _was responsible for that particular rule.

So, he made it for or after Jen, but would he break it for her?

And, if he did would he feel enough guilt to tell Hollis about it anyway? Would he pretend nothing ever happened? Would he go about stringing both women along until he was forced to choose?

No one man deserved this much thought on Hollis' part, but yet, he still got it.

She knew he'd come home, and like always, she would be there for him; not questioning what he needed.

Even if she wasn't the one he wanted it from.

**She didn't know if it had been another case that had kept him out late or just another memory from a past he refused to talk about. But all the same she waited in the basement knowing it'd be the first place he'd go to. **

**By the time his footsteps echoed through the room she was on the brink of falling asleep sanding the boat.**

"**You still up?" **

"**Yeah, I'm not tired." She lied, knowing he'd see right through it.**

**He didn't waste a minute telling; or rather showing her what he needed that night. His hands encircled her wrists, helping her sand **_**with the grain**_**, but they didn't rest there long. He traced lightly up her arms and she fell into his touch. She gave up resisting when she knew it would stop nothing.**

**Once she had given him all the comfort she could Hollis let herself fall asleep, only to be woken up an hour later to him tossing and turning in his sleep. **

**These nightmares had always found him, and she sat by helplessly.**

"**Jen, …….Jenny." He mumbled into his pillow, the words, or names would be hardly distinguishable to a stranger. But Hollis knew exactly who he was calling for.**

"**Jethro, wake up." She tried to sound reassuring and gentle, but the bitterness was obvious even to her. How could she give him all of her self, and him to just forget it the moment he fell asleep? He wasn't dreaming of her, and she had come to expect it. **

**He got up and shook off the hand she placed on his shoulder, letting her know that her try at smoothing out all the wrinkles of problems he came with didn't work; and that he was tired of her trying. He left, and she let him go wherever he was headed whether it be to the basement or the shower, she didn't stop him. **

**It wasn't her place to try and help him if he refused to let her in.**

"_If I were a boy  
I think I could understand  
How it feels to love a girl  
I swear I'd be a better man"_

And still, though she knew she deserved better, she stayed.

She let her infatuation with this man control her thoughts. She let her emotions lead her blindly through something that would ultimately end in hurt. She let herself _love _one person just a little too much, and she had found that they didn't return the sentiment.

But still she stayed.

She tried to convince herself that it was because something good was going to come of this, but in the end, she was wrong.

She could only handle so much, and finding out about his past, the one he refused to share with her was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Hollis had accepted the fact that he had secrets of his own. And, now she decided he needed to work them out with himself.

And maybe someone else; a someone who was one of his _not-so-secret, _secrets could help.

And Hollis knew that Jenny would do a far better job; because she understood him, and she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

"_But you're just a boy"_


	3. Realize

**A/N: I'm not sure where this came from but it just popped into my head when I heard the song. It's not really a romance of any kind, but I liked it this way.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own NCIS or Colbie Caillat's song. **

**The FBI Director in this story is Robert Mueller, the real life FBI Director, since the show never specifies his name. **

**Song: Realize**

**Artist: Colbie Caillat**

Gibbs sighed for about the twelfth time since this meeting had started, receiving another warning glance from Jenny. Speaking louder so that their eyes were brought back to him the Director of the FBI continued. "This case was ours and he continued to interfere with our Agents' investigation."

Jen leaned further towards the conference table as she spoke. "Agent Gibbs has a very _unconventional _way of solving cases but it is effective."

"I do not appreciate you defending his complete disregard for the rules. Whether it is or is not _effective _it is inappropriate inter-agency policy." Mueller said.

"I would hardly call his actions inappropriate-"

"He bribed an evidence technician into disclosing key information on the case, had one of his Agents hack into the FBI's database, _and _conducted an investigation right under your nose without your knowledge." He said glancing up from a piece of paper.

This time it was her turn to sigh. Gibbs really had dug himself a hole, one she wasn't sure she dig him out of.

"_**Take time to realize,  
That I am on your side  
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you."**_

"Not only did he disrespect and undermine_ my _authority, but yours as well Director. The rules apply to everyone, even those who successfully solve cases." Mueller said as he rose from his chair at the conference table in Jen's office.

"Agent Gibbs will be punished accordingly." She said rising as well.

Mueller shook their hands. "Director Shepard, Agent Gibbs." As he left Jenny shut the door behind him, and then turned back to the office.

"So what do I get?" Gibbs asked. In all honesty all he really expected was a slap on the wrist, not that he would ever think of telling an angry Jennifer Shepard that.

"Don't get cute with me Jethro! This agency cannot afford The Director of the FBI holding a grudge against it, all because of one agent!" She said as she straightened the chairs at the table. "You will be put on temporary suspension."

His jaw clenched as her words came out. "What the hell Jen!?"

"I'm sorry, but it's that or I take the rap for favoritism. And that wouldn't end well for either of us." Jenny walked over to him; her tone was full of genuine apologies.

But Gibbs was too pissed to notice. "I'm in the middle of a case!"

"Your _real _case?" Now, she was accusing him. Obviously playing defense wasn't working for her.

He rolled his eyes, only making her angrier.

"You didn't even try to apologize or even justify your actions! You just sat there and expected me to fix this all for you. I can't do it forever; you're going to have to help yourself." Jen slammed files down onto her desk forcefully, accentuating her point.

_**  
"If you meet me half way  
If you would meet me half way."**_

"I can't kiss ass like you _Director."_ Gibbs practically spat out as he turned to leave.

Before the door slammed Jen yelled out "It just might save you your job one day!"

-0-0-0-0-

"What did she mean by 'suspension' Boss?" Tony asked as he packed his stuff into his backpack.

"I didn't ask her." Gibbs said gruffly as he watched his agents pack up to leave.

Tony's head quirked to the side. "Well why not?"

Gibbs gave him that 'Why do you think DiNozzo?' look, successfully shutting him up.

"'Night, Gibbs." Ziva, McGee and Tony chorused as they walked to the elevator.

In Gibbs' mind suspension meant field suspension which only left him with desk duty. There was no way she'd give him free time to work on his boat.

-0-0-0-0-

The bull pen was dark except the dimmed MTAC lights and a desk lamp here and there by the time The Director left her office. One of those desk lamps left on happened to belong to one _Temporarily Suspended _Supervisory Agent.

She sighed as she made her way down the stairs. She had skipped the elevator because she knew this conversation would have to come sooner or later.

Without having to tell him to join her he did. They stepped into the elevator together and as it made its way down Jenny spoke. "It's only for a week."

When he didn't answer she continued. "I'm on your side; I would have done the same thing if I were still a field agent."

"_**Take time to realize  
Oh-oh I'm on your side  
Didn't I, didn't I tell you."**_

The elevator stopped and she stepped out first, convinced he wasn't going to say anything to her.

"No, Jen, you wouldn't have."

She turned to look at him her mouth opened to protest, though against what she wasn't sure.

"Because if you did, you'd never be Director." Gibbs finished with a small smile. He watched as she smiled back and got into the car her detail had waiting for her.

"_**Realize  
Realize  
Realize"**_

**Review?? Pretty please :)))?**


	4. Nine Crimes

_A/N: Wolf of Sylvyr and I got to typing and this is what we came up with. Set at the end of Grace Period after Paula Cassidy dies. Thank you MyOwnWorstCritic for the help, I was in dire need : )_

_**Rating: T pushing on M**_

**Song: Nine Crimes**

**Artist: Damien Rice**

**Lyrics are at the Bottom I bolded the ones that made us want to write this.**

The weight of everything was crushing her. The burden of La Grenouille seemed to get heavier as she got closer to catching the man who had caused her father's death. Now three young and competent NCIS agents were dead and she couldn't overlook the guilt she felt for that. She tried to push it aside, knowing that one day it would all come crashing down around her ears. She tried not to think about the day she would have to deal with all of this- alone.

He could see it had gotten to her, calling the families of Cassidy's team to inform them that their loved ones had died. He pretended not to notice the way she avoided making eye contact as she talked about it just as he pretended not to notice that this went so far beyond the deaths of three agents. He pretended not to recognize the look in her eyes as the one he saw every day in the mirror, the look of someone whose life was barely held together by pain and regret. He pretended not to notice out of fear of what might happen if he let himself comfort her.

Her office had been dark when he walked in, not stopping to knock as usual. The room was only faintly lit by her desk lamp; the edges of the light pulled at the dark corners and furniture of the room. Where it fell in a soft glow on her face he could see unshed tears hover in her eyes, tears she would never admit to. She looked like porcelain: fragile and lifeless. The leather of her chair seemed to suffocate her body and it captivated him to see how this turn of events could reduce a once strong woman to someone so small and defeated.

Her eyes rose to meet his and a thousand different words spilled between them-words that didn't need to be said.

She nodded toward the drink cabinet, an invitation for him to pour himself a glass. He made his way to it silently and stopped short when he realized there was no bourbon. He craned his neck around to ask her where it was.

"There is none." Her voice was quiet and low, seeming almost distant as it barely traveled across the room.

He didn't bother to ask why there wasn't any; either she had drowned herself in the last of it or she hid it away to keep from doing just that.

He couldn't justify why he had come here, but her pull on him was irresistible. He knew she needed him and knew she would never ask. She stood up, headed to the sidebar, and he couldn't help himself as he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him.

The grip on her arm was anything but gentle and for that she was glad; she couldn't handle gentle. He pulled her to him and she went willingly; their lips meeting in a clash of secrets and long-forgotten passions. He backed her up to where the edge of her desk pressed into her thighs as he continued to reacquaint himself with a taste he had almost managed to wipe from his memory.

He couldn't explain why he had touched her when he knew it wouldn't end well and there was no good reason to have gone to her when he could go home to the comfort of his basement and Hollis.

Hollis. She was waiting for him dutifully and completely unaware that his tongue was currently fighting some other woman's. His mouth was not caressing or soft on hers but rather angrily melting into her lips. His hand was still wrapped tightly around her wrist and he only let go when it was needed for him to shuck her blazer off of her arms.

A moan played on her lips as his hands fumbled to undo the buttons of her blouse and skimmed her already flushed skin. As he continued to place wet kisses down the column of her neck, she managed to pull his jacket off and un-tuck his shirt from his pants. She very ungracefully pulled it over his head and his body pushed flush against hers.

She relaxed slightly as his mouth came back up to duel with hers. Wasting no time, he had her trousers on the ground and the fingers of one hand rubbed at her hip while the other one assisted her with undoing his own fly. Her tongue was somewhere by his ear in an almost viper like action when his boxers and pants followed her hands down his thigh to lie in a rumpled pile on the floor.

All that was left between their release eager bodies was the silk underwear he slid down her legs. She pulled back to watch his face as he pushed into her with a groan. His eyes shut tightly but eventually opened to watch her bite her lip in alternate pleasure and pain. Their bodies rocked together and the fabric of her blouse and bra scratched at his bare chest, a reminder of their disregard for a slow build up. Jenny was already breathing heavy and he knew this was going to end soon. She shuddered in his arms drawing him with her to their climax.

She let out a hiss as he pulled from her body almost immediately after he regained his ability to think and as soon as he was reminded of exactly where he was -- and where he should be -- by the ringing of his phone.

He didn't bother to answer his phone once he saw the caller ID. He would call Hollis back later. She watched in stunned silence as he dressed and went on his way without another look at her.

She was left standing uncomfortably bare in an empty office. She had just had sex with an Agent, one who was in a relationship, and he had left just after she had given him all of herself. Her face was red; and not just from a post-coital flush but from embarrassment at her actions.

-0-0-0-0-

He worked on his boat, seeking redemption for a crime he wasn't sure he regretted. He could hear Hollis' footsteps coming down the stairs and he couldn't meet her eyes when she took him in her arms. She asked what was wrong; he knew he had to tell her though she deserved so much more than his infidelity.

He explained to her what had happened as objectively as he would describe the events at a crime scene.

But no matter how many different ways he could've said it he knew none of them made it okay. He sure couldn't tell her that he had been resisting Jenny for months, or that what she had offered him was exactly what he needed to move on from the loss. He wouldn't tell her that Jen had pulled him through yet another rough patch. He wouldn't lie to her and say he didn't want it and as sad as it was he wouldn't even promise her that it would never happen again. No matter what he said he still knew this wasn't how he should've gone about things.

"Why?" Hollis asked, and Jethro wished he wasn't the cause of the pain evident in her voice and features. He shrugged; he had no excuse for her, no reason that could make this right. He didn't try to stop her leaving, though he was sure it was the right thing to do. But he had never been one for apologizing.

**Nine Crimes Lyrics**

**Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I'd do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be thinking of you  
It's the wrong time  
For somebody new  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse  
**  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright, yeah, with you?

**Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I'd do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be cheating on you  
It's the wrong time  
she's pulling me through  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse**

Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?  
Is that alright?  
Is that alright with you?  
Is that alright?  
**Is that alright?  
Is that alright with you?**

No...


End file.
